Could retained reflexes actually be the reason for your child's meltdowns?

What’s Really Going On

Does this feel like a familiar scene? Your day is moving right along, everyone in the family is doing fine, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, your child loses control of their emotions. There’s screaming..maybe kicking. A door gets slammed. The positive energy gets sucked out of the room, and instantly tensions are high. You’re left wondering what in the world caused such a response from your child, and how you should react. Maybe this has been happening since your kiddo was an infant and you’ve become numb to the emotional debris flying. Or maybe their relatively easy baby and toddlerhood have completely turned on their head and left you shocked. Regardless, you’re bound to be holding lots of emotions yourself…worry, surprise, confusion and maybe even guilt. 

It’s important to get the story behind the outbursts. If your child has become, or has always been, prone to outbursts, unstable emotions, or lack of emotional awareness, they may be experiencing reflex retainment. This disconnection in the brain keeps children from proper emotional development, and can cause a myriad of behavioral symptoms. But understanding how reflex retainment happens can help you sympathize with your child, see their behavior for what it is, and begin a journey of integration together.

Reflexes

When those highly sensitive reflexes are retained, a child's nervous system can experience constant Fight or Flight mode, causing all of their energy to be used trying to calm down their own bodies behind the scenes.

If you’ve ever seen a baby startle, you know that infant reflexes are strong. When those highly sensitive reflexes are retained, a child’s nervous system can experience constant Fight or Flight mode, causing all of their energy to be used trying to calm down their own bodies behind the scenes. This can make many tasks difficult, school feel impossible, and any kind of emotional development stunted. It can also explain why certain sudden noises or activities can feel threatening. In fact, when a child has a retained Moro Reflex (the startle reflex), they usually also experience a Fear Paralysis reflex as well. These children always feel on alert, in danger, and ready to bolt. Their nervous systems have never learned to self-soothe and their big reactions can make your household feel topsy-turvy. These children may hit, punch, or bite in order to release their frustration and pull themselves away from what feels like an unsafe situation. Or they may be plagued with anxiety or frequent panic attacks.

Other reflexes that can be retained are the Landau and TLR reflexes. These reflexes regulate emotional awareness and can keep a child from orienting him or herself properly with their own emotions as well as those of other people. Because of this lack of emotional intelligence, these kids may experience growing frustration with themselves and the world around them as they age and relationships don’t get easier. They may also experience a lack of focus or a difficult time feeling confident. 

What’s Next

If you see these behaviors in a child you love, it may be time to seek professional help. A trained therapist can diagnose your child and provide a path towards integration of the reflexes. Games, exercises, and other therapeutic modalities, when practiced consistently, can allow your child to self soothe their nervous systems and feel released from constant emotional crises.

Don’t put off getting the help you and your child both deserve. Giving your child the tools to breathe, think, and regulate their nervous systems will serve them (and you!) for the rest of your lives.

Put It Into Practice

Take stock of when and what makes your child feel big emotions.

Do they seem frightened? On edge? Angry? Help your child take deep breaths while they place their hand over their heart so they can feel their heartbeat. Keep a journal so you can help your therapist observe patterns and reactions. Integrating your child’s nervous system will be a team effort, but well worth the work.

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